WWE Monday Night Raw
Monday, March 13th, 2017, Live from Detroit, Michigan
Commentators: Michael Cole, Byron Saxton, and Corey Graves
If you missed Thursday night’s Impact, click here Impact Wrestling 3/9/17 Full Results (Alberto El Patron Debut)
Video: Last Monday Night on Raw,
Lesnar F-5’s Goldberg, the first time Goldberg left his feet, since he came back.
Segment Number 1: Brock Lesnar Promo
Oh my god, is this an advocate’s dream, did “The Beast Incarnate” Brock Lesnar just F-5 the one time “invincible” Goldberg? Yes he did, and ladies and gentlemen, his name is Paul Heyman, and he is the advocate of the Goldberg-carnivore Brock Lesnar, and he can just give us a vision of Brock laying out Goldberg, and he can tell us the announcers will scream out DOWN GOES GOLDBERG!! And he can give us a…..the fans chant for Goldberg, and Heyman tells us Goldberg is not in the building, but his client Brock Lesnar is. And his client will take out Goldberg, and this is a polite way of telling us shut the hell up. For the last few months, we have been asking ourselves what do we do. The last few months, we have seen a trend….SPEAR….JACKHAMMER….GOLDBERG. But now, we can say F-5…..DOWN GOES GOLDBERG!! And we can say F-% is the most devastating move in WWE. Now that we can tell the future, here is what will happen. The greatest comeback in WWE history, and we will see something of biblical proportions, we will see F-5 , and down goes the most destructive force in WWE history, and here in lies Heyman’s theory, DOWN GOES GOLDBERG….UP GOES BROCK LESNAR!!!
Segment Number 2: Mick Foley and Stephanie McMahon
Steph tells Mick that Heyman is just scary. Stephanie tells Mick they have not been getting along of late, and compares it to the pressure of Wrestlemania is just 3 weeks away. She hired Mick because he can relate to the crowd, and she blames herself for not teaching him how to manage correctly. He takes things way too seriously, while she knows nothing is ever personal, so she can teach him this. Mick is willing to go with it, and Steph tells him his first lesson is by the end of the night, fond one superstar where he can fire. This will send a message of strong leadership, he needs to trim the fat, just one person, and think like a businessman, can she count on him? Yes, you can count on Mick.
Match Number 1: Sasha Banks Vs Dana Brooke
Sasha wins in very quick fashion with a roll up, and even held the tights for a short second.
Winner: Sasha Banks
Charlotte has the mic, calling Dana a disgrace, she doesn’t deserve to be by her side. You think you will ride my coattails to Wrestlemania? She is finally getting rid of her, and Dana has had enough, striking at Charlotte. Dana is venting some frustration, and the crowd loves it.
Warrior Award: Eric LeGrand
Tonight: Jericho and Zayn Vs Owens and Joe
Match Number 2: TJ Perkins and Akira Tozawa Vs THE Brian Kendrick and Tony Nese
Nese and Kendrick win the match, with Nese rolling up Perkins. Fatal 5-Way for a shot at Cruiserweight Title at 205 Live.
Tonight: Sheamus and Cesaro Vs Big Cass and Enzo for shot at Tag Titles at Wrestlemania.
Segment Number 5: Gallows and Anderson
Charly Caruso wants to hear some thoughts about tonight’s tag team match, but Anderson brings up beating both teams before, so why don’t they want to talk about them? They will do what they do best, take it.
Kevin Owens comes out with a promo before his match.
Segment Number 6: Kevin Owens Promo
One month ago today, he took the spotlight right back where IT belongs. We see the video here where KO turned on his “best friend” Chris Jericho. You can find that here WWE Monday Night Raw Live Results 2/13/17 (Festival of Friendship)
And a lot of you people are upset at me, for betraying Chris Jericho, because he pretended to be Jericho’s best friend. But he will let us in on a little secret, he was never Chris Jericho’s best friend. For not one second, Chris never considered him a best friend either. He was just trying to get close to HIS Universal Title. And now Chris Jericho is mad at him, not for what he did, but because every single one of us would have stabbed him in the back, before he could. He set up Chris Jericho, and now he wants to get back at him, because let’s face it, Goldberg didn’t beat him at Fastlane, Chris Jericho did. And now, Jericho wants revenge at the biggest stage of them all. But Owens will take his United States Title, just like Jericho took his Universal Title. And now, the only thing left will be Jericho crying his tears…cry it our, man. And now with tonight, Jericho has that waste of space for a tag partner, but who needs friends, when you have a destroyer.
Match Number 3: Chris Jericho (US Champ) and Sami Zayn Vs Kevin Owens and Samoa Joe
Owens and Joe are DQ’d when they go after Sami’s leg, and Joe slaps on the Coquina Clutch, and then we see Jericho come in, and fight Owens like a hockey fight would be, which is awesome. But the numbers game catches up to Jericho, and Owens hits a Pop-Up Powerbomb.
Winners: Chris Jericho and Sami Zayn, by DQ
Segment Number 8: Stephanie McMahon and Mick Foley
Stephanie try to help Mick in choosing the right person to fire, when Nia Jax tells them she took Sasha Banks out for a month, then she barely beats her at Fastlane, so she gets a Raw Woman’s Title shot. Stephanie tells Nia she is right, and deserves to have the spotlight, so tonight, she will face Bayley, one on one.
Segment Number 9: Mick Foley and Jinder Mahal
Jinder wants to know if the rumors are true, and Mick confirms it is, Jinder says he is a min event talent level, so it better not be him. Mick gives him a match, against “The Big Dawg” Roman Reigns.
Segment Number 10: New Day Talk
A new segment called New Day Talk is among us, and their guest is none other than Big Show. So Shaq Vs Show won’t happen, as Big Show is in Andre The Giant Memorial Battle Royal. They discuss Big Show being in the new Jetsons movie. Oh no, Titus O’ Neil interrupts. Titus is here wanting to know why his brand isn’t on the new Jetsons movie, and Titus shoves Big Show. We have our match, tonight.
Next: Enzo/Cass Vs Sheamus/Cesaro, winner gets Wrestlemania Tag Title match
Match Number 4: Enzo and Big Cass Vs Sheamus and Cesaro in a Number One Contender Match to Raw Tag Team Titles
This ends in a no contest when Gallows and Anderson attack both teams. I guess they don’t want to compete in a big match at Wrestlemania.
Winners: No Contest
Last Monday: The Undertaker, Roman Reigns, and Braun Strowman
Segment Number 12: Mick Foley, Gallows and Anderson
Foley is livid about what we just saw, so he is making this a Triple Threat for Tag Team Titles at Wrestlemania. Have a nice day.
Match Number 5: Roman Reigns Vs Jinder Mahal
We heard a GONE, which is awesome, but sadly no Undertaker. Roman almost got beat, but he got his focus back, and hit a Superman Punch for the win.
Winner: Roman Reigns, by pinfall
Segment Number 14: Roman Reigns
Roman isn’t messing around tonight, and calls for The Undertaker as we go to a commercial break. We come back, and Reigns is waiting for Undertaker, but we get Shawn Michaels?
It’s pretty cool to see ya, says Reigns. Detroit loves you. But Reigns didn’t call out HBK. He called out The Undertaker. Roman, I’m not going to waste your time, he saw what happened last week, and he saw what happened a few moments ago. Roman is already distracted, and he’s in his head just a few weeks into Wrestlemania, and if he continues to stay in his head, he will eat you alive. Reigns doesn’t think so, and this is the question he gets, what is it going to be like being in the ring with The Undertaker, maybe people will ask what it’s like being in the ring with Roman? HBK admits Reigns is “The Big Dawg”, but he has to understand Shawn is “Mr. Wrestlefreakingmania”, and he knows what it’s like having a big chip on his shoulder, and he knows what it’s like having people secretly wish he fail. HBK is on Roman’s side. Reigns appreciates the advice, he appreciates the help, but with all due respect, The Undertaker retired Shawn. And he’s the guy who is going to retire The Undertaker.
Braun Strowman lays out Reigns, and reminds everyone he is still there.
Segment Number 15: Steph and Mick…again
Mick wants Stephanie to change her mind about this, and Stephanie tells him he has 1 hour to make this decision, and if he doesn’t make this, she will decide for him. And if she decides, he may not like the choice.
Last Monday: Neville and Austin Aries
Next: Austin Aries Vs Ariya Daivari
Match Number 6: Austin Aries Vs Ariya Daivari
Aries picks up the win with a Rolling Elbow. Tomorrow night on 205 Live, Fatal 5-Way, winner faces Neville at Wrestlemania for the Cruiserweight Title.
Winner: Austin Aries, by pinfall
Last Monday: Goldberg and Brock Lesnar
Earlier Tonight: Paul Heyman speaks
Wrestlemania 33: Brock Lesnar Vs Goldberg for WWE Universal Title
Tonight: Bayley Vs Nia Jax
Match Number 7: Big Show Vs Titus O’ Neil
Yeah, Titus had no shot. 3 Chokeslams, and Titus Brand is done.
Winner: Big Show, by pinfall
WWE Celebrates Women History Month: Billie Jean King
Segment Number 18: Bayley and Sasha Banks
Sasha is encouraging Bayley that she can beat Nia tonight, and forget those haters, who say Bayley isn’t a worthy Women’s champion, and she deserves that Wrestlemania spot, and they can steal the show, and find out who the better woman is. Uh-Oh.
Wrestlemania 33 is in 20 days away.
Earlier Tonight: Jericho/Zayn Vs Joe/Owens
Segment Number 19: Chris Jericho Promo
The new announce guy with no name asks how you get back at Kevin Owens? Jericho will find a way to do this at Wrestlemania. Next week, we will see the real Kevin Owens on a very special Highlight Reel. The new guy is Mike Rome, when Chris accidentally calls him Tom Phillips. But Mike is really Tom Phillips, don’t rib him. You know what happens when you insult Chris Jericho’s intelligence? YOU JUST MADE THE LIST!!
Match Number 8: Bayley (Raw Woman’s Champ) Vs Nia Jax in a non-title match
Nia is DQ’d when she continues to beat on Bayley, and the referee stopped the match. Nia Jax sent Bayley to the barricade, and tells her she is a little girl, and Nia is a woman.
Winner: Bayley, by DQ
Earlier Tonight: Strowman attacks Reigns
Next Week: Strowman vs Reigns, one on one
Segment Number 21: SOMEONE IS GETTING FIRED!!
Hey, it’s Stephanie on-screen again. This is the opportunity of a lifetime to prove he is a tough businessman. That he can be a strong leader, and will fire someone tonight, Raw’s General Manager, Mick Foley. Is he firing Saxton, perhaps? We can hope. Stephanie wants to know the person he will fire. Mick thought it was awful at first of firing someone, but now the name just jumped at him. Before he names the person, he thanks Stephanie for giving him the opportunity to make him a better person. So who is it Stephanie? After careful consideration, he decides to fire Stephanie McMahon. Too bad this doesn’t count, she wants the name RIGHT NOW. It’s Stephanie McMahon, she treats everyone like they are jokes, but they are human beings. And he has to go back to 6 months ago, and she said she had nothing to do with HHH interfering. And Mick believed her, but if she was involved in this, that would make her a good liar, and a very bad person. And now 6 months later, he knows she truly is a good liar, and a very bad person. Steph warns him if he wants to see how bad she can really be, and here comes HHH. Mick, if you have something to say to him, say it to his face. Mick would love to, he just thought he can hide in the shadows. That’s funny, because HHH is everywhere, but do you find them? He runs a business, and he does it very good, because he doesn’t want a lawsuit, or else he would take his badly hip out. Mick is nothing but a nostalgic act. So would you do that, or are you going to have Samoa Joe do it for you. HHH says he is the creator because he doesn’t want to keep running guys like Mick here. And he never wanted Mick to come back, but Stephanie always had a soft spot for Mick. But don’t underestimate her business savvy, because she can rip him up. If it was his choice, he would go back traveling around the globe and talk about his sappy stories about his career, and the man he used to be. Mick doesn’t have to pretend to like him. He is happy going around the globe, talking about his stories. HHH asks about his kids, his daughter Noelle is at the WWE Performance Center, training to be a wrestler. And his son Dewey is working at WWE headquarters. They can join him at the unemployment line. Does that strike a chord, Mick? Because that can happen. So he suggests he waddle up to the ramp, tucks his tails, and thanks his lucky stars he is still employed. And next time he sees Stephanie, if she says jump, you damn well jump. Stephanie reminds us that is what we all do if we have a job, thank the bosses you are employed, and do whatever it takes to keep that job. Mick has Mr. Socko, and he jumps HHH, but Stephanie kicks him in the balls. And HHH is set to attack Mick, but here comes Seth Rollins, in a crutch.
Seth Rollins throws the crutch, and he sure is running to the ring. He lays out HHH as they go to blows. He throws HHH out od the ring, HHH has the crutch, but Seth blocks this. But Hunter uses the crutch, clips at Seth’s injured knee. HHH twists Seth’s knee into a reverse Figure Four, with Rollins begging to get to the ropes, officials stop HHH, and we end the show with HHH on top, and clipping his knee again.
Overall not as good as last week, but damn the ending was fantastic, it made this feel special, which is what we need to have on through. Mick’s promo was great, all the way to Seth’s surprise appearance, and we have to have a No DQ match, right? Seth sure looked good running to the ring. Surprise though there was no KO and no Joe at the end here, but we must have this match at Wrestlemania. I just hated though we had 8 matches, and 3 of them ending in either No Contest or DQ. I get that all 3 had meaning to it, but 3 of those matches had the same ending to them. Can’t wait for next week to see Strowman Vs Reigns II, and of course The Highlight Reel will be great. How did you feel about the show? Send them to me here.
WWE Raw Quick Match Results:
**Sasha Banks def Dana Brooke, by pinfall
**Tony Nese and THE Brian Kendrick def TJ Perkins and Akira Tozawa, by pinfall
**Chris Jericho (C) and Sami Zayn def Kevin Owens and Samoa Joe, by DQ
**Enzo and Big Cass Vs Sheamus and Cesaro end in a no contest
**Roman Reigns def Jonder Mahal, by pinfall
**Austin Aries def Ariya Daivari, by pinfall
**Big Show def Titus O’ Neil, by pinfall
**Bayley (C) def Nia Jax, by DQ